I've been paying attention to some of the wise readings that have come my way lately and one that lands with me is "Start With Why" by Simon Sinek. It is from his writings that I've thought a lot about my Why and in particular Why am I so invested in teaching the TED* work.
My Why is rooted in the very fabric of my early childhood and adult life. I have always been surrounded by drama to the point where I thought my family might be the weird ones; that something about us was very different from the rest of the world. Yet each time I led a retreat I would hear some aspect of my story from at least one woman who had the courage to share the shame and sadness that she carried from her childhood. I learned quickly that we all have something and whatever that something is, it can mysteriously show up and disrupt our lives.
I began realizing how often I found myself on the Dreaded Drama Triangle in my self-talk, my relationships with others and my reaction to the world around me. TED* gave me the tools to keep challenging old beliefs in a way that felt so liberating.
I could have stopped there and just kept using the process to enrich my life. But you already know that's not how I roll. My generous spirit always nudges me to offer others any precious wisdom that comes my way. And that's just what I've been doing.
Perhaps you can pause today and think about your Why. Why are you doing whatever it is you are putting your heart and soul into? I bet there is something rich within you that makes you unstoppable.
One of my favourite quotes is "The space for what you want is already filled with what you settled for instead." by Richard Bach. I am looking closely at what I have settled for.
Over my lifetime I know I have settled for many things personally and professionally. I've told myself stories about what is possible and how much I could accomplish. I've listened to other people's stories and used them as a template for my own. I've stopped myself short of fulfilling a dream when the last leg of the journey took me out of my comfort zone. All this because somewhere along the line I made it okay to settle.
The light came bursting into my consciousness when I rambled off this quote to a friend as we talked about the year ahead. To me, she was clearly building a case for settling. The words sounded in my head like a thunderclap and I saw that I was doing the same thing; that I had been settling.
I settled when I set the bar low for my health, my business, my creative endeavours. I settled when things got hard or uncomfortable. I settled when I forgot that I have incredible resilience and tenacity. At times, my life was full of busyness that felt fulfilling but ultimately kept me from standing up to my full height. I did have bigger dreams and when I watched the people around me soar, I told myself this was as good as it gets.
Settling is different than surrendering. Sometimes I surrender because I face the reality of things I can't control. I surrender when I know to challenge would take more than I am willing to invest. Settling is different. Settling is giving up when I'm facing a steep learning curve to get where I want to go. Settling is getting way too comfortable with the status quo.
This year, when my space is filled with busyness, I will pause and ask myself if I've settled. I will wonder if there is something I want that I could stretch myself a little to get; something that requires me to dig into my stories and clear a path to explore possibilities.
What about you? What are you settling for?
Ms. Daryl Wood is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, a Certified TED* Practitioner and graduate of The Co-Active Leadership Program. She is dedicated to sharing the The Empowerment Dynamic (TED*) material in organizations and with individuals eager to transform their relationship with themselves, others and situations. www.darylwood.com www.stopworkplacedrama.ca. March 23/24, 2019 Daryl will be leading the I've Got This! Creating Extraordinary Relationships in Cambridge, Ontario.