It's hard to hide from the learning opportunities these days. I've spent over twenty years studying consciousness, human behaviours and relationships. Each time I land on a new awareness I wonder how I didn't see it sooner. It always makes perfect sense. Then along comes new teachings and I am reminded that for all that I have gathered, there will always be more. Always!
I teach The Empowerment Dynamic* (TED*) work and the benefits to people personally and professionally are tremendous when it is part of our daily life. But I know that none of us is immune to falling into the Dreaded Drama Triangle and I have first hand experience of how quickly that can happen and usually when you least expect it. What I stumbled on last week was particularly powerful for me.
I've always known that I have an inclination towards feeling victimized. Most of us do and yet I sense that some, like myself, have a stronger pull; possibly because we have followed the downward spiral too often. When we train our brains to head into the darkness it becomes such a well worn path that even knowing it is dangerous, we still do it. I still do it. It may be unconscious in the beginning but I know that teaching this work makes it hard for me to stay in a state of victim orientation very long without awareness. Of course just because I know how I'm reacting doesn't mean I'll always move on. My coping strategies are very ingrained so sometimes the best I can do is to pride myself in recognizing where I am. That alone can create a subtle, relief-inducing shift.
The scary part for me in this most recent event was that I saw how I became a Persecutor of others when I felt victimized. And the people I was persecuting (in my head and sometimes to my husband) were not even responsible for my suffering. Go figure. What I realized was that when we are victimized (and yes there are times when we have been legitimately victimized) we are so vulnerable that without a strong foundation of recovery, we will sit in the muck much longer. That can quickly turn into anger towards someone else and ignite a firestorm of negative words and actions. That's definitely not how I want to be in the world or in relationships.
Check yourself the next time you feel victimized - whether it's something big or little - and notice if you have the power to hold back the persecutor and focus on your needs in the moment.
Ms. Daryl Wood is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, a Certified TED* Practitioner and graduate of The Co-Active Leadership Program. After facilitating life-changing Women's Retreats for 17 years she is dedicated to sharing the The Empowerment Dynamic (TED*) material in organizations and with individuals eager to transform their relationship with themselves, others and situations.