Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | October 7, 2026

Remembering

For the last several years I’ve had a clock hanging on the wall in my great room. I can see it from any angle and even when it runs slow, I have an idea of the time. Two weeks ago I removed it because it was detracting from a beautiful picture I wanted to hang. Since it wasn’t working that well, I decided not to put it up anywhere else. And that’s when I noticed something.

My eyes are drawn to that space over and over again. It’s a habit of looking at the clock for the time even if I don’t really need to know the time. I became accustomed to seeing it there and so I keep looking.

It is no wonder then that I keep looking for Doug, in the hallway, in his garage, in his chair, on the porch, in the driveway, the bedroom, the stairway, the utility room, the bathroom, the kitchen, his desk, in the car seat beside me and just about every space in our home. For 25 years I saw him everywhere in my life so I am probably going to be unconsciously looking for him everywhere on this property. Looking and catching myself looking.

Sometimes, in my despair of having so much responsibility and feeling so much emptiness without him, I want to leave. I want to run away from the work, the memories, the problems. But I always end up getting reminders of why I live here. I love this place. We loved this place together. This is my home and having his energy moving around with me is comforting. It is a gift to be able to maintain and build on what we created.

And what makes this possible is the incredible support of my neighbours and friends. They move stuff, carry stuff, store stuff, fix things, remove things, and offer more help than I sometimes need. And they do it for Doug who helped everyone who asked. And they do it for me to honour his memory and for all we gave to our community. And every chance I get, I give to someone else to say thank you for the blessings that come my way whether it is listening patiently to a random acquaintance in the grocery store or giving cookies to someone who spent an hour helping me put dock pieces away.

I will likely be looking for the clock for a bit longer and looking for Doug forever. He lives so peacefully in my heart and grief taps me on the shoulder to say ‘it’s okay’.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | September 21, 2026

Signalling The Universe

“Once you become aware of what stands in your way and become willing to release it,
you signal the universe that you are ready to manifest the life you were meant to live.” 

Chérie Carter-Scott

And no matter how many times you become aware of what stands in your way, and no matter how many times you become willing to release it and no matter how many times you need to signal the universe, keep doing it.

Keep noticing, keep acknowledging, keep letting go, keep surrendering. Don’t give up on yourself because the universe is waiting and listening and ready to send you all the love and support you need for an authentic life. In fact, it is all coming to you right now but what stands in your way might be your inability to see what is already there for you.

It’s so easy to see the struggle and disappointments that weigh us down and distract us from living. There is so very much in the world to hollow out the wonder of ourselves and others.

Last night I saw so clearly what was standing in my way and took the first steps at releasing it. The signal was sent and with lightening speed I was gifted with messages of love and hope. I know this will not happen every moment of my days. I know I may have a lot more releasing to do. And I am telling myself what I tell others, don’t give up on yourself.

What is standing in your way today? What story, behaviour, belief, action is standing in your way? Telling ourselves the truth and, in my case last night, having it witnessed is liberating.

I don’t have a grand plan for a life I want to manifest. I will go where I am sent and follow the leads, the bread crumbs, the unmistakable signs that honour the wisdom of the universe. And the next time I stumble, I will pause and look with a curious open heart at what is standing in my way, and for the first time, or once again, become willing to release it.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | September 18, 2026

The Story of Perfection

I wrote my last post and ventured into the kitchen to make my breakfast. Coming back to my cosy spot with my cup of lemon and bowl of yogurt I began to cry. I miss Doug being here. I’m longing to hear his slippers scuffing along the floor and the smell of his much loved coffee and his voice saying good morning to me. I miss his energy and his physical presence so much. And then the chiding began.

“You are so lucky to live here and not have to go to work somewhere today and why don’t you clean the windows and you should be taking better care of the property and you need to vacuum this great room and clean the bathroom and go online to apply for he dental benefit and finish crocheting that baby blanket and make the appointment with the investment consultant when are you going to finally clean the carpets and don’t write another blog because you just published one and that’s not how you do it.”

And on and on and on the tirade goes. Finish what you started. Get busy. Do things. Get things done. The bitter, accusatory voice in my head is familiar and shows such disdain for my lack of motivation even when I am talking about the value of a pause. I was willing to drop everything yesterday to ride my bike 35 km and explore incredible rock faces on the Niagara Escarpment that moved my soul in the most profound ways but I can’t find the ambition to pick up a vacuum. What’s wrong with me?

There is an old message about perfection here and I am acutely aware of how it can override my rational thinking and steal my moments of joy. I was ‘in’ the monarch experience as I wrote about it. I could feel her little feet walking around my palm. I smiled remembering her short flight from my hand. And there are no words to describe the beauty of what I saw yesterday walking into the forest under the soaring, sheer cliffs of rock.

So a door was left ajar and in walked shame. wagging her ‘you’re not good enough’ finger. I am hearing her ranting and reminding her that I am the most perfect, imperfect version of me that there has ever been and ever will be. The biggest blessing is how much I know I am loved for being just that. Amen and thank you inner critic for nudging me to pause and remember that!

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | September 18, 2026

A Monarch Butterfly Pause

My friend is a Monarch butterfly supporter and every summer spends time nurturing and caring for the butterflies around her cottage home. I don’t know all the ins and outs of what she does but I do know that every now and then she ‘releases’ a monarch. Sometimes I see her along the roadways picking milkweed and sometimes she will send a picture or video. When the neighbour kids find a dead monarch they take it to her and she does a ceremonial burial. The southern migration began a few weeks ago so everyone has been talking about monarchs.

A while ago I visited her and her husband for their wise guidance during a difficult period. As always, they were kind, asked questions and shared their perspective. Something about our visit prompted her to invite me to a ‘release’ in the future. That day came this week. It was one of those days when emotion was rolling over me and I missed Doug so much. I kept that to myself because I didn’t want to change the energy of whatever this process was intended to be. When the call came, I slipped down the road and followed her instructions to sit quietly beside the little net house. Then the magic started.

A beautiful monarch was clinging to the side wall and motionless. We zipped open the netting and I placed my hand gently in the middle and waited. Within moments, this lovely girl (and yes, she told me it was a female) moved onto my palm and walked gently around on my skin. It was so quiet and so natural and so easy. I sat with her, letting whatever impulses she had play out. And when directed, I moved my hand outside of the net and she sat for a moment before flying slowly to a plant just beside the net. We watched as she hung on in silence occasionally shifting around on the thin fern leaf.

The intrigue continued as my friend said this was very unusual behaviour. She said they always fly up into a tree and look for a safe place but this one wasn’t going anywhere. As we sat and watched her opening and closing her wings she finally settled into a still position. Again, my friend and her husband both remarked on how unusual it was for her to just stay and then it came to me. She was pausing. She was taking a moment between this and that to pause and just be. We could make up stories about what she was sensing but in the end the feeling that she was just taking a break was obvious.

I couldn’t help but think of what I’d been up to lately, filling my days with activity to avoid the sadness that comes this time of year. I love the fall and always will and it carries memories of the hardest days of my life. And keeping busy is good and reminds me how connected I am to my community and this place I love and it also distracts from the meaningful self-care that I need in order to be with my feelings and not be overcome by them. The monarch took a pause. And I watched her with reverence for the message she was giving me and I was filled with gratitude once again. It can be hard to stay ink any place of awareness when I’m on the move. It doesn’t mean running away from any hard feelings or covering them up with happy thoughts. It means allowing whatever I am feeling to have a place within me and be honoured for the truth of life and being human. Letting the sorrow and joy live in harmony.

And while the days since have been filled with wonderful experiences, a spontaneous adventure, a thoughtful message, a warm interaction, I am aware that in between each opportunity to engage and celebrate and explore will be times when pausing is necessary.

When I asked about the monarch a couple of days later I was told that she ‘paused’ until daybreak. When the sun landed on her, she finally flew up into the sky and as my friend said ‘no doubt, on the first leg of her journey to Mexico for the winter’. Our skies have been full of monarchs these past few weeks as they start their migration. And this beautiful girl took a pause before her big trip. With lots of plans in the weeks ahead, I think I’ll do that too. I don’t know what it will look like but if a tiny monarch butterfly that instinctively follows an historic path of purpose many miles away can take a pause, then I can too. Maybe we all can.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | August 21, 2026

Purpose

Slipping quietly out the door
between the trees
And then … oh
Oh wow
Oh
A long uninterrupted pause
Oh
A sky so glorious
So full
I have to sit
to take it all in
This sky … wow
We sit still … quiet together
for as long as it takes.

And it never takes long
as it changes from beautiful
to more beautiful
and melts into the day.

And then the thought …
what if this is why I’m here.

What if someone needed to see,
to witness the sky like this
from this position
this morning, right now.
And what if this morning, this time
I was the one to see it.

Maybe I was led here
to be witness to the sky
the rising sun
in it’s magnificence
the unparalleled beauty.
Maybe in my desperate searching
for a purpose,
for some reason to survive my grief
maybe this was it this morning
To be witness from this place
from this speck of existence
a witness to the glorious sky
Maybe.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | August 13, 2026

The Five Invitations

In the early months of my grieving something magical happened. My local librarian had often recommended books for me and one day upon arrival, she handed me a book that had just been returned and was destined to travel back to another library. She was able to hold it for me to read over the next two weeks. As soon as I read the first few pages I went online and ordered the book. I wasn’t going to truly be with the essence of the book in a short two week period. And so it was that I began my partnership with Frank Ostaseski and The Five Invitations. The book’s subtitle “Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully” wasn’t that compelling as I had read lots of books that I thought gave a similar message. I had no idea how influential this book would become and the number of little sticky tabs tells the story of how it impacted my life.

I read the book and reviewed it and talked about it and eventually made a decision: I wanted to go deeper. So I put some loose leaf pages in a binder and began unpacking the passages I had highlighted. I would write them out and then reflect in my own words how I felt and what I could learn from these words. It was so helpful and healing. Looking back it is clear that I gained so much from the book and my interpretations. And like so many things in the past two plus years I followed this pattern for a while and then drifted onto to something else. This week I began the huge task of organizing my bookshelves. Along with the white binders that carried my father’s life stories was the little binder with my reflection pages. What a find!

And there it was – words in the introduction by Rachel Naomi Remen: “We are always on holy ground.” And “How often we go spiritually hungry in the midst of plenty and how many, many teachers surround us, patiently offering all that we need in order to live wisely and well.” And “The purpose of every life is to grow in wisdom and learn to love better.” Whew.

Reading that gave me pause. Imagine living life with this foundation, this understanding, this belief. It felt like coming home and I read the words and my own thoughts out loud sitting on my dock in the late afternoon sunshine. I read them and heard them and held them. I felt them live and breathe into my body and soul. The opened a door and I walked right in.

I kept reading and over and over again the passages spoke to me in ways I had been longing for. Suddenly I felt the resonance I’d been missing in my busy, distracted days of surviving grief while I showed up for the wonderful people and places in my life. Suddenly and with masterful ease, I sank back into the awareness that I hadn’t lost anything. It was waiting for me to come back to this place of sanctuary.

Stay tuned. This is a journey I want so much to share with others, especially those who have read the book or may decide to do so. This is feeding my soul in the way I want and need right now. Namaste.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | August 11, 2026

That Comfortable Place

There are so many kind, generous, loving and thoughtful people in my life. I am blessed in so many ways and when someone comes to visit I am reminded that people will make the effort to give up the comforts of their homes to travel a long distance to see me. Yes, they enjoy the natural beauty, the waves, the trees and rocks and they also give up the familiarity of their own place for the quirky little cottage suite I offer them.

We have engaging conversations, good meals, play games, ride bikes, share laughs and tears, adventures and mishaps. We create memories in a place where Doug and I did the same and in places we had never explored in ways we hadn’t experienced. And until yesterday, I didn’t have a name for what I feel every time someone leaves.

As Doug and I did with all our visitors I followed tradition and waved my friend out of the driveway, watching her car disappear down the road. With tears in my eyes I came back into the sudden silence and emptiness of my home and looked around longingly. It struck me that I was looking for that comfortable place. A place where I could exhale after hosting for a few days. Even with my closest people I still feel some sense of being alert or available or as Doug would say ‘in readiness’ for whatever might be needed. And when people leave, I am been drawn to the comfortable place to reflect on the time together or simply let go of being ‘on’.

But once again, I couldn’t find it yesterday because I realized it was with Doug that I felt most comfortable, the place I could be my most unbridled self, where I could let go, sink in. Even if we chattered away retelling stories or dissecting conversations, we were both so real with each other that it was the definition of comfort. And now there is no one I can be so real with. While I have missed this for the past 32 months it was an awareness on another new level for me that the person I was my most authentic self with was no longer here to sit beside me to share our thoughts and feelings. My most comfortable place didn’t exist anymore. As much as I have truly dedicated people who will listen without judgement, it is not the same.

And without that comfortable place my mind began to unravel and follow pathways to despair that are so hard to rein in. In these moments I forget that everything I am feeling is temporary, that there is much joy around me, that gratitude has pulled me through before and that something shiny, positive and soul nourishing will show up soon.

So I went for a long bike ride, watered the tomato plants, made popcorn for dinner, cried a lot and distracted myself as best I could. I took a walk and smiled and chatted with neighbours and held my breath. Such a profound loss in my life has left a gaping hole that I’m still trying to incorporate into my days and nights. I don’t know if it will ever be filled but I keep getting back on my feet and finding ways to knit the edges tighter so at least the space doesn’t keep growing bigger and feeling so hopeless. Because sometimes, like yesterday, when there is no comfortable place anymore, that’s what it feels like.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | August 5, 2026

When The Cookie Is Still In Your Hand

Years ago when I thought I had a lot of life figured out or at least I had a sense of what an empowered pathway would look like, I created a program called Loving Ourselves Weight Loss. It centered on the significance of really loving ourselves enough to want to nourish and nurture our bodies. I worked with a few clients in a promotional stage and then decided it wasn’t a good fit with what I was doing in my career.

Recently, I remembered something I said “You are the most powerful when the cookie is still in your hand.” Once you take a bite, you break the ‘spell’, ease the urgency, numb the feelings, interrupt any thoughts going on. And if those thoughts might make you see more clearly or with mindful awareness, you lose momentum when you act on the impulse.

And this is not just about a cookie. It’s about everything we do habitually or by reaction to life. I see it when I reach for my phone to check messages, or pull up a game of solitaire or look in the fridge one more time, or any number of things I do to answer the call to avoid feelings. And I have a lot of feelings I want to avoid.

I’m busy with property work and visitors and returning neighbours and upgrades and opportunities and all the things that we come up against every day in every way in our regular, ordinary and sometimes extraordinary lives. And while some of these are big decisions and some are pretty insignificant there are none that are catastrophic. None that require deep, thoughtful examination. And yet I notice that I ‘reach for the cookie’, something to distract myself when I see the weeds squeezing through the patio stones or the pile of brush I want to burn or the kitchen floor that needs washing. It seems strange that these tasks would invoke some kind of feeling that I am pushing back against. I wondered what that was. These are not huge jobs. These are things that could have been done in the time it takes for me to write this blog. So what’s up with that?

I’d rather ‘reach for a cookie’ literally and figuratively than slow down and look at the feelings behind my resistance. And that’s because the resistance comes from having to do everything on my own. Yes, I have amazing friends and neighbours and yes I hire a great handyman who will do any job I ask. But most of the jobs are mine to do. Well, they used to be mine and Doug’s. We did stuff together or did things alongside each other and did things in support of each other. I often shook my head when he would remove all the chairs and table from the kitchen to wash the floor. Now I come up with the easiest way possible to get it over with.

Now I am making all the decisions and doing all the stuff that was once shared. And now, no one knows or cares whether I do these little jobs. No one is inspecting my property (or at least they aren’t saying anything out loud). It’s up to me to do the things I think need to be done or that I want to get done.

So reaching for the cookie is a way to avoid remembering that I am alone now, that Doug won’t be picking up after me or with me. Now it’s up to me and since I absolutely love this place as much as I did when he was here and maybe even more now for the sanctuary it gives me, I will do the things that need to be done. I may procrastinate but I know the why behind my delays.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 30, 2026

Keeping Appointments

The author Mary Pipher says ‘All our lives, we must keep appointments we did not make.” That makes me sigh a big sigh. I don’t want to keep appointments I did not make. I don’t want to have to show up for something that was not on my vision board or my to-do list. I don’t want to be present for the inevitable changes that land kerplunk in the middle of my efforts to regain a life of meaning and substance.

The appointments that are most jarring lately are the ones that awaken something in me that reveals a truth about myself that I dislike. To be shown a trait or quality that I am proud of is a blessing. For it to show up upon reflection is an unexpected gift the same as finding ripe green beans in my little greenhouse. Such joy. And then there are the ones that evoke a deep moan of ‘oh no, I am that’. They are usually reminders of how I have been over decades and sometimes they are so harsh in the reality that this is an unacknowledged way I have coped with consequences that feel heavy.

An appointment with someone who stirs a quiet, underlying anger shows me that I am often afraid to speak my mind to avoid confrontation or some form of rejection. I didn’t make this appointment. I wouldn’t have. I want ease and harmony and cooperation. I don’t want to question why I would stand aside when something is clearly said or done in an effort to control, belittle or shame. Yet, I have attended these appointments without consent only to realize they were necessary for me to see the whole of myself for some purpose. Perhaps it encourages more empathy for myself and others in a suffering world where more empathy is truly called for. And maybe it is there to ‘wake me up’ to a way of the world that I try to shield myself from. The voice I silence in an effort to feel safe is nudged in these appointments to speak up.

Who am I protecting? Who am I holding accountable? Who am I denying? Keeping appointments for me is not just about my own personal growth and learning which I believe is essential to being a good steward of the land and people I share it with. Keeping appointments is also about taking action when the need is presented.

There is some vein of determination in me that wants so much to bring others joy and peace. The appointments that create those opportunities are tender and warm. An arm to steady someone, a smile, a donation, a noticing. These appointments are easy and don’t feel like a must except in their randomness.

The uncomfortable appointments I must keep hold me up to the light and ask if I am willing to be honest and brave for the sake of the well being of all, myself and others navigating relationships that bring us to an intersection of connection or not.

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Posted by: Ms. Daryl Wood | July 29, 2026

Still Grieving

Yesterday on one of my therapeutic bike rides on the back roads around my area I met up with a woman from town also biking. We rode a bit together and she shared an amazing work experience she had just returned from. We chatted and then she asked me how I was. I admitted ‘not great, today is Doug’s birthday’. I’d had a good morning sharing breakfast with a wonderful friend but by this time late in the afternoon I was sad. We had always had such great birthday celebrations and just three months before Doug died we had his 80th birthday bash. We didn’t know it would be his last and he was top of his game.

She immediately said comforting words and then we slowed to a stop where we both shared our grief. She, for the loss of her beloved father whom I had known well and me for Doug. We laughed and cried and swore and raged and hugged a lot. It was raw and real and so meaningful for both of us. I acknowledged how proud her dad would be of her and we both recognized we had known great men who were respected and loved by our community. As we were parting she mused that after 22 years why was she still feeling like this. I told her to never judge herself for how long she is grieving. Love doesn’t stop because someone is gone and never, ever deny your feelings. Clearly she is living her life full on with family and friends. There is still a hole that can’t be filled. I get that.

When I came home I found a quote I liked and sent it to her. It says “Over time, you may find people begin to question why you are ‘still’ grieving. The simplest and truest answer: I still love them, and they are still gone.”

I remind myself of that on days like yesterday.

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